From Programs to People: Bridges to the Unchurched Through Relational Discipleship

The numbers tell a story that should both encourage and challenge us. When Church Answers Research surveyed the unchurched in 2024, they discovered something remarkable: 32% said they would start attending church to grow spiritually, and 22% said they would come if someone invited them. ¹ These aren't people hostile to faith—they're people waiting for connection.

The churched people tell a similar story. When asked what prompted them to attend their current church, 41% said someone invited them. ² This data reveals a truth that should transform how we think about reaching our communities: the bridge between church and unchurch is built through relationships, not programs.

The Great Shift: From Pragmatic to Relational

Churches pursuing revitalization must make a fundamental shift. The pragmatic approach—focusing on better programs, more services, and slicker presentations—has created consumers, not disciples. The relational approach creates followers of Jesus who become ambassadors to their communities.

Jonathan Haidt's groundbreaking research in The Anxious Generation provides compelling evidence for why this shift matters now more than ever. His study reveals that our culture suffers from four core problems: social isolation, sleep deprivation, fragmented attention, and digital addiction. ³ The "phone-based childhood" has replaced the "play-based childhood," leaving people disconnected and hungry for authentic community. ⁴

This cultural reality creates an unprecedented opportunity for churches. While society fragments, the local church can become the place where people experience what they're missing: genuine relationships, uninterrupted time together, and communities that foster growth and belonging.

The Unchurched Are Waiting

The Church Answers data shatters common misconceptions about why people don't attend church. The unchurched aren't too busy (only 15% cited this reason), and they don't hate the church (only 16% mentioned bad previous experiences). ⁵ They're indifferent. They've simply gotten out of the habit or don't see church as necessary.

This indifference represents hope, not hopelessness. Indifferent people can be reached through authentic relationships. Hostile people cannot. The fact that 22% of unchurched people would attend if someone invited them means millions of Americans are one conversation away from engaging with a local church.

But here's the key: they're not waiting for programs or events. They're waiting for people.

Building Relational Discipleship Environments

Churches committed to revitalization must create environments where relationships flourish. The 2025 National Disciple Making Forum research identifies churches that excel at this transformation. These churches share common characteristics: they focus on intentional, relational disciple making as their core mission, maintain simple and reproducible models, and align everything around relational discipleship. ⁶

The Community Connection

Haidt's research shows that children need communities and unstructured play time to develop lasting relationships. ⁷ Adults need the same thing. Churches must create spaces where people can connect without the pressure of structured programming. Coffee hours that extend beyond fifteen minutes. Small groups that prioritize relationship building over curriculum completion. Service projects that allow conversation and connection.

The Invitation Culture

Since both churched and unchurched people attend primarily because someone invited them, churches must become invitation cultures. This means training every member to see themselves as an ambassador, not just the pastoral staff. It means celebrating invitations, not just conversions. It means creating environments so compelling that members want to bring their friends.

The Discipleship Pathway

Lifeway Research confirms that discipleship remains central to church revitalization. ⁸ Discipleship must be relational, not just educational. The pathway from visitor to mature disciple should be marked by deepening relationships, not just completed classes. Mentoring relationships, accountability partnerships, and life-on-life discipleship create the relational fabric that attracts and retains people.

The Play Factor

One of Haidt's most significant insights is the importance of play in human development and relationship building. Churches that prioritize "play time" for adults—fun events, recreational activities, and informal gatherings—create the conditions where relationships naturally develop. These environments mirror the unstructured play that children need but that our phone-based culture has eliminated. ⁹

Consider implementing:

• Monthly game nights or recreational activities
• Service projects that feel more like community events
• Informal gathering spaces before and after services
• Small groups that balance study with social connection

Making the Cultural Switch

The cultural shift from pragmatic to relational requires intentional leadership decisions:

Leadership Development: Train leaders to prioritize relationships over programs. Measure success by relationship depth, not attendance numbers.

Space Design: Create environments that encourage conversation and connection. Comfortable seating areas, coffee stations, and gathering spaces matter more than impressive stages.

Time Structure: Build margin into schedules. Rush kills relationships. Allow time for conversations before and after services, during small groups, and at church events.

Member Training: Equip members to build relationships with unchurched people in their networks. Provide practical tools for invitations and conversations about faith.

The Revitalization Opportunity

The convergence of cultural isolation and spiritual hunger creates an unprecedented opportunity for church revitalization. As Haidt documents, people are desperately seeking what churches can provide: authentic community, meaningful relationships, and purpose beyond themselves.

Churches that make the shift from pragmatic programming to relational discipleship will find themselves uniquely positioned to reach their communities. The unchurched aren't looking for better entertainment or more convenient services. They're looking for a connection.

The question isn't whether your community needs what your church offers. The question is whether your church is structured to offer what your community needs: relationships that lead to transformation.

The Bottom Line

The path to reaching the unchurched runs through the hearts and lives of church members who build authentic and international relationships with their neighbors, coworkers, and friends. Programs attract consumers. Relationships create disciples. In a world starving for connection, churches that master relational discipleship will experience the revitalization they seek.

The unchurched are waiting, not for better programs, but for better relationships. The question is: are we ready to build the bridges that will bring them home?

Footnotes:

1. Church Answers Research, "The Real Reasons the Unchurched Do Not Attend," September 2024.
2. Ibid.
3. Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Penguin Press, 2024).
4. Ibid.
5. Church Answers Research, "The Real Reasons the Unchurched Do Not Attend," September 2024.
6. Discipleship.org, "2025 National Disciple Making Forum: Best Practices of Disciple Making Churches," 2025.
7. Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 2024.
8. Anthony Svajda, "The Role of Discipleship in Church Revitalization," Lifeway Research, February 2023.
9. Haidt, The Anxious Generation, 2024.